Apology to the Roses

a poem

Hey y’all, it’s me, LeaRose again here with another piece of my past to share. I thank God that I can truly call this circle of emotions a part of my past, and that through Him, I find confidence in who I am without the world’s, and worse, my own self-deprecation. For certain, I have rough days, where the mirror is a monster and my self-worth trembles underneath. But those days are few and far in-between as of late and I do believe I’m on the road to conquering my self-doubts and hate I once believed.

Some inside notes, this poem was actually scribbled on some random scrap piece of paper I found in my car and flowed right from my pen onto the paper. The raw emotion I felt certainly lended itself to imperfect rhymes, and looking back now, I see so many ways I could improve the word-choice, parallels, and overall view of the piece. But that’s not the point. Not at all. This is one of those things I wrote for myself. To myself. From myself. Not something I go back and change to better please an audience. What you see is what you get. Raw, unedited, straight from my heart to the pen.

And you may be wondering then, how come I want to share this if it’s so personal, so “flawed,” so raw. Because sharing it is part of the journey, the next step in overcoming the battle of my own thoughts. And so here we are. Enjoy.

didn’t mean to bring the rain,

soak up your confidence,

pouring buckets of your pain,

this storm could conquer us,

I meant to hold my tongue,

but even if I did, you’d read my mind,

negativity floods my reality,

yet vanity isn’t left behind,

cuz today we’ll kiss the mirror

but tomorrow shards are all that’s left,

when was it we were cut short,

who's to blame for nightly theft,

two weeks roses will bloom; I’ll give you one,

a month the darkened sky will set,

I swear I thought by now we’re done,

one foot after another, how far will we get,

I know I’ve broken you,

every insecurity I’ve mixed with salt,

lifeline vertical right now,

if it’s down then it’s my fault,

we build our walls not to divide,

we lay these bricks so we can hide,

from the world it’s critical,

and from ourselves, we’re pitiful,

cuz today we’ll kiss the mirror

but tomorrow shards are all that’s left,

when was it we were cut short,

who's to blame for nightly theft,

two weeks roses will bloom; I’ll give you one,

a month the darkened sky will set,

I swear I thought by now we’re done,

one foot after another, how far will we get,

I’m tired of dragging you down this road,

I wish that I could just let go,

but we are forever entwined,

the only one left behind,

would be me,

cuz you’re the better half of us,

I’m the pessimist, assassin, dust,

the scales are tipping, our charts jumping,

‘bout to restart, clouds are pumping,

and in the new rain we’ll find a mirror,

tears mix with every step,

you and me we’re walking nearer,

even God it seems has wept,

you and I will kiss that mirror,

but it turns to shards with just one breath,

why do I keep coming short,

tonight, there will be death…

one day roses will bloom again,

darling I’ll give you every one,

I’ll whisper in your waiting ear,

negativity is done,

and before I go to sleep,

I promise with sincerity,

next time I flood the world and drown you,

for that I’m truly sorry.

-LeaRose